Dear Reader,
Today my heart is heavy. Not out of sorrow or worry, but out of humility. Normally when people think of the word humble, the connotation is that the humble person is selfless, but most often humility feels like being humiliated. When a person realizes there's nothing they can take pride in, that is humility. This is how I feel. It's not the "woe is me" emotion that begs for pity from people, but mercy from the Lord. It's a "I'm not going to get this right, so please help me" feeling.Of course, I open to Isaiah 58 and feel immediately relief and simultaneous pain, because it's so nice to know God has something to speak in my life, but it also reveals so much of my failure.
Today my heart is heavy. Not out of sorrow or worry, but out of humility. Normally when people think of the word humble, the connotation is that the humble person is selfless, but most often humility feels like being humiliated. When a person realizes there's nothing they can take pride in, that is humility. This is how I feel. It's not the "woe is me" emotion that begs for pity from people, but mercy from the Lord. It's a "I'm not going to get this right, so please help me" feeling.Of course, I open to Isaiah 58 and feel immediately relief and simultaneous pain, because it's so nice to know God has something to speak in my life, but it also reveals so much of my failure.
Still, it gives hope, because He wouldn't convict us if there wasn't something to be done about it.
So that's what I'm resting in today. Jesus wouldn't come if the world wasn't worth saving. The Spirit wouldn't have filled me if there wasn't a plan. The Father wouldn't have created the Earth, knowing very well sin would enter, if He didn't know exactly how to conquer it. But just like a wise woman said to me this past week, "He does it for His righteousness sake" (Psalm 23:3). And yet another wise woman told me that He acts because He will receive the praise (Psalm 139:14). So there is hope, no matter how dark it is, He can make my dark like the dawn (Isaiah 58:8 & 11).
On another note, today at work was pretty chill. We had a surprise meeting, and instead of actually having a meeting we went to see the Three Stooges which was actually pretty funny (considering Micah laughs so loud, it made it even funnier). Considering we went at the time when Queues were in the red, we didn't have to take as many calls as we would have (yay!). Another thing I realized today -and more with each passing day that I work here- is that I love the people I work with. I definitely don't like the job itself, but the people make me want to stay here, and the company is pretty cool too.
Still, I long for another opportunity. Kids and discipleship, nothing could be better. I keep praying, and no light in the sky is coming, but according to Isaiah 58, my prayers and fasting mean nothing without a repentance driven heart. So I'll keep serving here, and striving to love it, so the Lord may bless me.
More exciting (sooo exciting) news is yet to come, but truthfully I'm not allowed to publicly announce it yet, because it's not certain.
So there's that. :]
Chelsy.
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