Reader,
My heart isn't well. I don't feel like this is where I should be. I was so excited for college, but I remember the night before moving in having this same kind of discontent in my heart. This feeling of, "Why Lindenwood? Why am I going to college?" Then this week, learning that I owe a great amount of money to this school that I don't even really know why I'm at, I began to question it all again- still questioning it now. What does God have for me?
What troubles me most is America. I don't hate my homeland, not the least, but our lifestyle is so lost and it seems sometimes like there's no escaping it. We've forgotten how to slow down and it's demanded of us to conform. We must grow up becoming culturally tuned-in, do well in school, have a rebellious stage, get a college degree, and grow up to be super successful and have a family with a white picked fence. We must have the latest gadget in order to fit in and all be theologians so we can defend ourselves in this bombarding society. Culture doesn't seem to stop throwing lies at me, and because of that I'm weary.
Reader, I'm reading of Africa and I don't know yet, but I wonder if this longing in me is calling me there. I hope that it isn't this feeling of needing to do something great, but I just don't understand why I am where I am and what in the world I could be used for here.
I wonder when I'll know...
Chelsy.
P.S..Later on on this day.
I need a heart change! If you have the time Reader, look up 'kissesfromkatie' at blogspot... Tell me if your heart doesn't just start to pound with joy for this girl's love.. I long to be just like her. As I imagine those kids do too.
Reader, I don't care if I ever have a husband, or a well-paying job, or a place to call my very own. I want to live a life of love just like this girl. I pray deeply that the Lord would break my heart in pieces if that's what it takes, and I hope and plead that you will pray with my Reader. Thank you!
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