A City Laid Bare.

Dear Reader,

Today my heart has been heavy once again. I've begun to see this as spiritual warfare; every day being a battle in my spirit to cling to the Lord or to leave Him. I want you to understand Reader that I am not a faithless person, but my faith is being tested and refined in my life. It may well be that way until I die, and I would not be surprised if it was so. My past few weeks are spent journeying from high hills to the deepest of valleys. Today I spent time pleading and trying to read and to me these things have been much like trying to eat a meal when you've come down with the flu. You desperately want to taste and enjoy and be satisfied, but the state of yourself won't allow all that you desire to take in.
Here is His word on my heart that He has spoken of through the nation Israel:
Ezekiel 36:16-38
16-21 My heart is utterly unclean and undesirable. It is not worth saving in itself alone and does nothing but turn to the wayside. His name has been disgraced by it's detestableness.
22 The Lord will not be hindered or caused not to act because of my unrighteousness. He will not forsake His covenant, and therefore will act on behalf of my sin.
23-32 He will make this desolate place new. He will be my God and I will be His people. He will not be satisfied with my evil ways, but will make my whole self good and clean. Something after His own way. I will loathe my past, but it will be my past nevertheless.
33-36 Because of this I will know that He alone is powerful and that it is by Him alone I am new. He will make this desolate city a beautiful inhabitance; and it will be admired by those who once could only call it a filthy place. My dirty, wasteland of a heart will be like the "good" Garden of Eden. He will rebuild it. He will do it.
37-38 He will give me a great blessing as well. He will fill this city. Just like the countless numbers of sheep to be sacrificed on the Day of Atonement so will He multiply the numbers of His people through the work that He has done even in this filthy city; for all will see and know that He is good and merciful.

Reader, in order that His accomplishment that He will do in my heart can be made truthfully glorious I want to express to you the current state of this desolate wasteland. It is filled with pride and arrogance, covered in doubt and selfishness, inhabited by impatience and unfruitfulness. It has often spoken before knowing, before listening, and before thinking about the weight of words. It has often led others astray. It has been a idolator and practiced detestable, alduterous things. It has been hard as stone; uncaring and unchanged by the very Word of the Almighty One. It has put Him low and raised others, along with itself, high. It has been stubborn and unwilling to move. It has lied.
My heart is a wasteland full of crumbled towers, which were once temples of the Lord, but my God says He will rebuild.
I will not live in famine forever and I will not be subject to my uncleanness always. Be quick to move Lord.

Chelsy.