Scatter Brained...

Reader,

I'm not drinking soda anymore! And I know this is only the millionth time I've declared it, but I seriously cannot do this scatter brained thing anymore. Lately I cannot even focus on reading, which is something I used to love to do, and reading a page is such a chore! I sit there and shake and get distracted. It's affecting my prayers too because I'll be thinking a million things at once and I cannot focus! I've had it. I love you Mountain Dew, I really do, but we cannot be friends anymore. Same to you pizza; I fear the freshman fifteen far too much to continue our affairs! This is hard Reader, I hope you're sympathetic! Haha.
Still, being all over the place has some benefits (btw I think I use at least one italicized phrase every time I post.. check me on that(p.s. scatter-brained-ness example number one)) because sometimes I get this awesome ideas and then they begin to connect. While reading my bible today I made connections in Psalm, 1 Peter, Exodus, and Ezekiel, because I kept switching books and seeing how different phrases connect. I also get these great ideas when I'm scatter brained. Some painting, youtube video, blog topic, DIY, and biblical theory ideas popped into my head at work today.
One thing I've been mulling over in this cluttered brain today was the ideas of faith and selfishness. The ideas ended up relating after thinking about them continuously. You see, I read in 1 Peter last night about faith being of more worth than gold because when it is tested by the flame it withstands it, so that one may know it is genuine. I thought, "Is there such a thing as ungenuine faith?" (there I go again). Then I wrote a list of characteristics of ungenuine faith:
Ungenuine faith relies on:

• The faith of other stronger believers or parents
• Feelings not assurance
• Rituals and duties
• OR simple belief without practice
• and lastly Presentation

I want to discuss the last one; this is where the selfishness comes in. I've realized that my faith (and maybe you struggle with this Reader, that's why we're bringing it up) is too often based on my appearance of faith. Let me explain this. 

When you are in a church building, raising your hands to a worship song, prayer over friends, posting "I love God" type status', sending out verses, etc. You have this tendency to begin to only express faith when someone is looking. I notice that in the back of my mind, I have a stronger desire to please God if I know someone will catch me in the act, maybe even give me a pat on the back. Realizing this has been humbling and I wonder if my brothers struggle with it as well. (Comment on this please). What I've decided is this:

My faith will be precious if genuine. It cannot always be about self image and I pray that my most intimate moments are in my closet or shower, where no one could ever see. If my faith is only public, I will crumble under pressure (or in Peter's tense- melt in the flames). My faith, if genuine, will shine bright naturally, but forcing my faith in public so that I may seem like I'm well off will result in worthlessness to me and my brothers. After all my faith is not just for myself, but so the body may be built up. Faithlessness is a disservice to my fellow saints. 

Chelsy.