The Lord ALWAYS Sings Over Me.

Reader,

This weekend was good. Deviate was a great experience and my foreign friends really enjoyed themselves. I can already see both Gustavo and Shiori growing to experience, understand, and love God more. They have such a deep desire I don't see in many people and it is truthfully humbling to watch. For me, the weekend held no "aha" experience or overwhelming passion. I feel I am in the desert. By that I mean I have asked to be humbled and God is being faithful and most often that feels like sand dunes and no substance. Did I learn great truth? Yes, of course! Still, I'm praying for a new heart and sometimes that prayer can make life a lot harder.

Today was miserable. I kept seeking for hope, but it is like I'm being denied that delicacy for this season. On the trek home I had some good conversation with Gustavo and as I start to get hopeful that things will start looking up... I come to my room to be greeted with a unfamiliar and not so friendly smell. I still cannot find the source of this nasty thing!

Later, I decide to go to my house to do some much needed laundry. As I walk to my car, the unlock button is not working. That of course cannot be good. So I open my car with my key (which is always followed by the alarm sounding- because my car is that awesome), but no alarm sounds. Now I'm desperately worried and thinking, "now what?". My car won't start, of course. Later we find out it won't jump and we still have no clue what is wrong. I still don't know how I'm getting to work tomorrow.

When I get home (via Ben Schulte, who is much too kind of a friend) I feel utterly, emotionally exhausted. I just want to sob at this point, from how much burden I've had this weekend and am continuing to be loaded with. Oh, but it can get worse (if you don't think this is something to be upset about, you're completely right, but one must remember that often outside circumstances are only overwhelming because there is first a complication of the heart, and that's where my story is at this point). The first thing my nephew says to me, after not seeing him for weeks, is that he can't find my gameboy. Not hello... The first thing my brother does is respond to me with rudeness and sarcasm (mind you that isn't normally the greeting from my house).

I don't know about you, Reader, but at times when I'm upset I just want to do something productive or nothing at all. Earlier today I cleaned my entire bathroom in one sitting; at this moment I decided to make cookies. I found a recipe off my IPhone and thought about making them with my nephew. On the first batch we put 2 tablespoons of vanilla extract instead of 2 teaspoons. On the second batch I realized the recipe itself was wrong, so I corrected it by doubling the ingredients that weren't portioned right. Still, this made the bowl too full for the mixer to work. I overcame the dilemma yet again by mixing small portions while adding milk... added too much milk. Then there wasn't enough flour (which is the opposite of what it was at first), but I tried to make them anyway. I ended up with huge, flat, connected cookies. Although they were tasty they only encouraged more frustration.

Reader, I know this is a long story, but please bear with me. This is how it has felt for me, in the desert. Long, drawn out, and as if one thing after another keeps coming. All along I hope for hope and long for longing. Here is what I have found, even in the desert. These words you are about to read have brought tears to my eyes and have been my only satisfaction in the midst of deep pain I've been feeling.

Zephaniah 3:15-17
The Lord has taken away the judgements against you; he has cleared away your enemies. The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst; you shall never again fear evil. On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

He will continue to be good and sing over me with joy, even as I fall short.

Chelsy.